Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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