I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
