Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize