I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
