I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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