Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
