the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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