Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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