im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
