just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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