Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
