i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
