hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
