How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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