Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
