There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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