why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
