hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
