Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Houston, we have a squirter
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
