dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
