I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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