some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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