Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
