is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your cock deserves a montage
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
