just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
