They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
