I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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