watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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