Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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