Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
