remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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