My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
