u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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