the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
