I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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