I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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