I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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