There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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