So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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