so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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