When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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