i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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