I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
