We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
