I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my shit smells like andre
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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