I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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