When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
