The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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