I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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