Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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