its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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