Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
