So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I skipped work to stalk him.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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