happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
