we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
