Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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