are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
they're like a gay fantastic four
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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