sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
