Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
